Zanwotlib Leghunquam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful duck.

Zanwotlib Leghunquam created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zanwotlib Leghunquam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zanwotlib Leghunquam, it will turn you into a rock.

Zanwotlib Leghunquam's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Zanwotlib Leghunquam's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never paint your legs purple.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zanwotlib Leghunquam.