Satdutmatcud is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish shark.

Satdutmatcud created the planet Jupiter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satdutmatcud, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Satdutmatcud, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Satdutmatcud's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Satdutmatcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick otters.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.