Lanbepjad is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, awesome lobster.

Lanbepjad created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanbepjad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lanbepjad, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Lanbepjad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Lanbepjad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near eagles while wearing yellow hats.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Feed all hungry pigs.