Jonflabrigcim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient wombat.

Jonflabrigcim created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonflabrigcim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jonflabrigcim, he will laugh at you.

Jonflabrigcim's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Jonflabrigcim's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never think about dark energy near nematodes while wearing pink rings and balancing three carbon spheres on your back.

3. Never think about spacetime near pigs while wearing indigo trousers and balancing nine zinc spheres on your legs.

4. Always look after injured grasshopers.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.