Timpadkam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid frog.

Timpadkam created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timpadkam, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Timpadkam, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Timpadkam's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Timpadkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head mauve.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must never eat wheat.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not make images of living things.