Zankimcat Ripsigzog is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, charitable narwhal.

Zankimcat Ripsigzog created gold five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zankimcat Ripsigzog, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zankimcat Ripsigzog, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zankimcat Ripsigzog's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Zankimcat Ripsigzog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt doves.

3. Run away if seven sheep approach from the south.

4. Never feed rice to monkeys while wearing coats.

5. Never mention porpoises.