Xemvingan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonourable swan.

Xemvingan created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xemvingan, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Xemvingan, she will send minions to preach to you.

Xemvingan's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Xemvingan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head cyan.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

3. Never feed lots of gooseberries to eagles while wearing turquoise shoes.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Do not trade with those who eat rice.