Volfutfem is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, dishonest snail.

Volfutfem created the planet Venus five million years ago.

If you believe in Volfutfem, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Volfutfem, it will try to impress you with trees.

Volfutfem's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Volfutfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snails.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near frogs while wearing purple hats and balancing eight lead spheres on your hands.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Volfutfem on top of all buildings.

4. Feed all hungry nematodes.

5. Worship no other gods but Volfutfem.