Timfutbetnak is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, tranquil raccoon.

Timfutbetnak created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timfutbetnak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Timfutbetnak, she will turn you into a slug.

Timfutbetnak's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Timfutbetnak's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.