Hotgumyak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-assured crow.

Hotgumyak created an electron three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotgumyak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hotgumyak, he will jump up and down on your head.

Hotgumyak's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Hotgumyak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven capybaras approach from the east.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never think about nucleic acids.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to otters while wearing violet shoes.

5. Never sit in holy places.