Vonkgigcun is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless parrot.

Vonkgigcun created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgigcun, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonkgigcun, he will not care.

Vonkgigcun's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Vonkgigcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Never feed lots of carrots to horses while wearing violet shoes.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Erect seven aluminium sculptures of Vonkgigcun on top of important buildings.

5. Never chant in the presence of sharks.