Bellhomduss is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, quiet narwhal.

Bellhomduss created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellhomduss, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bellhomduss, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bellhomduss' most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bellhomduss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near birds while wearing gray boots and balancing four zinc spheres on your arms.

3. You must never eat onions.

4. Run away from white ducks, for they are unholy.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.