Jabkamfet is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, contented walrus.

Jabkamfet created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabkamfet, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jabkamfet, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Jabkamfet's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Jabkamfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Hide from violet tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Always help monkeys.