Fonlamloop is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, awe-inspiring bear.

Fonlamloop created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonlamloop, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Fonlamloop, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Fonlamloop's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Fonlamloop's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

2. Do not speak about bananas.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Put Fonlamloop first in all things.