Larnsugmet is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, pitiless monkey.

Larnsugmet created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnsugmet, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larnsugmet, he will turn you into a snail.

Larnsugmet's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Larnsugmet's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never eat strawberries.

3. Erect seven silver sculptures of Larnsugmet on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Larnsugmet.