Stafkabkar is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, temperamental spider.

Stafkabkar created time and space four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafkabkar, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Stafkabkar, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Stafkabkar's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Stafkabkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always stare at clouds.