Getbigkan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, grumpy octopus.

Getbigkan created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Getbigkan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Getbigkan, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Getbigkan's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Getbigkan's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Never wear orange jumpers.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never paint your arms brown.

5. Never hop near aardvarks.