Wottipquagarn is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, ill-tempered cat.

Wottipquagarn created an electron eight million years ago.

If you believe in Wottipquagarn, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wottipquagarn, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Wottipquagarn's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Wottipquagarn's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not speak about tomatoes.

4. Never hurt voles.

5. Wottipquagarn must be the most important thing in your life.