Rutvonrig is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tranquil gerbil.

Rutvonrig created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutvonrig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Rutvonrig, he will send you a sign.

Rutvonrig's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Rutvonrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Rutvonrig's priests.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must love Rutvonrig.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near manatees while wearing gray jumpers and balancing six platinum spheres on your feet.