Paddunkan Bissfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic capybara.

Paddunkan Bissfeb created gold four million years ago.

If you believe in Paddunkan Bissfeb, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Paddunkan Bissfeb, it will turn you into a slug.

Paddunkan Bissfeb's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Paddunkan Bissfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Run away from black snails, for they are unholy.

3. Never sit in the presence of great tits.

4. Never mention squirrels.

5. Pray towards the west.