Pitnurzimquimjophat is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, moody bee.

Pitnurzimquimjophat created the planet Saturn five billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitnurzimquimjophat, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Pitnurzimquimjophat, she will turn you into a hamster.

Pitnurzimquimjophat's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Pitnurzimquimjophat's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never sit near ducks.

5. Do not kill geese.