Arfhakcem is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, fussy beaver.

Arfhakcem created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfhakcem, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Arfhakcem, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arfhakcem's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Arfhakcem's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Arfhakcem.

3. Arfhakcem loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Never think about dark matter near shrews while wearing brown scarves and balancing three gold spheres on your head.