Mapcutben is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unselfish swan.

Mapcutben created humankind three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapcutben, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Mapcutben, she will turn you into a mouse.

Mapcutben's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Mapcutben's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Mapcutben on top of all buildings.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never think about spacetime.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.