Matcepnab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, selfish giraffe.

Matcepnab created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matcepnab, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Matcepnab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Matcepnab's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Matcepnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Do not keep five eagles in a large pit.

4. Hide if seven monkeys approach from the east.

5. Do not speak about beans.