Begtaildag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, boastful elephant.

Begtaildag created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Begtaildag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Begtaildag, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Begtaildag's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Begtaildag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Begtaildag must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never bounce near voles.