Kontifhap Honbunken is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, all-knowing armadillo.

Kontifhap Honbunken created the solar system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kontifhap Honbunken, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kontifhap Honbunken, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Kontifhap Honbunken's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Kontifhap Honbunken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Kontifhap Honbunken loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.