Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, stupid dryad.

Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat, she will be very unhappy.

Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. You must love Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucmumjin Yarlquimflat.

5. You must never eat nuts.