Bapvagrill is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciful dugong.

Bapvagrill created the Sol system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapvagrill, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bapvagrill, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Bapvagrill's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Bapvagrill's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bapvagrill.

2. You must love Bapvagrill.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Erect seven iron sculptures of Bapvagrill on top of important buildings.

5. Do not speak about cucumbers.