Beglarnsad is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humorless fairy.

Beglarnsad created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Beglarnsad, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Beglarnsad, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Beglarnsad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Beglarnsad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about optics near doves while wearing turquoise shorts and balancing four copper spheres on your neck.