Nullkonpid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, compassionate lobster.

Nullkonpid created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nullkonpid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nullkonpid, she will turn you into a worm.

Nullkonpid's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Nullkonpid's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about dark matter.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

5. Do not speak about beans.