Biftimjabkab is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, intelligent manatee.

Biftimjabkab created an electron five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Biftimjabkab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Biftimjabkab, he will cry a lot.

Biftimjabkab's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Biftimjabkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Never think about solid mechanics.