Loopmobveen is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unsympathetic guinea pig.

Loopmobveen created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopmobveen, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Loopmobveen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Loopmobveen's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Loopmobveen's Holy Commandments

1. Put Loopmobveen first in all things.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not cook food in pots.