Bephomcet is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, impressive walrus.

Bephomcet created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bephomcet, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bephomcet, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bephomcet's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Bephomcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of beans to mites while wearing pink stockings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bephomcet.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.