Hitlakbet is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, stupid pig.

Hitlakbet created the planet Saturn twelve years ago.

If you believe in Hitlakbet, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hitlakbet, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Hitlakbet's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Hitlakbet's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not take Hitlakbet's name in vain.

5. Never talk about special relativity near hamsters while wearing violet boots and balancing four tin spheres on your hands.