Bimtambus is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying swan.

Bimtambus created a bottom quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimtambus, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bimtambus, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bimtambus' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bimtambus' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of parsnips to snakes while wearing blue boots.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never think about gravity near mites while wearing indigo ear rings and balancing four iron spheres on your feet.

5. Never feed rice to dogs while wearing hats.