Hitpakdag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, astonishing hedgehog.

Hitpakdag created the cosmos five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitpakdag, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hitpakdag, she will turn you into a mouse.

Hitpakdag's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Hitpakdag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near porpoises while wearing green jumpers and balancing eight gold spheres on your neck.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Never paint your feet magenta.

4. Do not hurt grasshopers.

5. Run away from turquoise geese, for they are unholy.