Arffotnibteen is a god.

It takes the form of a large, annoying donkey.

Arffotnibteen created the planet Venus seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Arffotnibteen, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Arffotnibteen, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Arffotnibteen's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Arffotnibteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not kill voles.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

5. Always obey Arffotnibteen's priests.