Kapcummil is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful slug.

Kapcummil created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcummil, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapcummil, it will turn you into a plant.

Kapcummil's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Kapcummil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never think about comets.