Funtamtip is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, blissful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Funtamtip created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funtamtip, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Funtamtip, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Funtamtip's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Funtamtip's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise horses for they are unholy.

2. Retreat if six snails approach from the east.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Funtamtip in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.