Lapbidcep is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, wise hydra.

Lapbidcep created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbidcep, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lapbidcep, he will make you grow a tail.

Lapbidcep's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Lapbidcep's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are not to be trusted.

2. Never sing in the presence of snails.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.