Gepgomtetti is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, competent crab.

Gepgomtetti created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepgomtetti, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gepgomtetti, he will be very sad.

Gepgomtetti's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gepgomtetti's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat strawberries.

2. Gepgomtetti loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always treat seals with great respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.