Arfnankad is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, competent crab.

Arfnankad created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Arfnankad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Arfnankad, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Arfnankad's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Arfnankad's Holy Commandments

1. Arfnankad must be the most important thing in your life.

2. You must love Arfnankad.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.