Stanstanfebcit is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy narwhal.

Stanstanfebcit created the planet Earth eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanstanfebcit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stanstanfebcit, it will turn you into a hamster.

Stanstanfebcit's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Stanstanfebcit's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Stanstanfebcit.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near snakes while wearing purple jumpers and balancing six gold spheres on your arms.

5. Never eat green fruit.