Kemyattbontit is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unselfish porpoise.

Kemyattbontit created a down quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemyattbontit, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kemyattbontit, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Kemyattbontit's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Kemyattbontit's Holy Commandments

1. Put Kemyattbontit first in all things.

2. Never talk about dwarf planets.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never mention geese.

5. You must love Kemyattbontit.