Quartgepbag is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring elephant.

Quartgepbag created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quartgepbag, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartgepbag, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Quartgepbag's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Quartgepbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Put Quartgepbag first in all things.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.