Xembat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional pigeon.

Xembat created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Xembat, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Xembat, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Xembat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Xembat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.