Wotquaftalhabdab is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, humane shark.

Wotquaftalhabdab created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotquaftalhabdab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wotquaftalhabdab, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Wotquaftalhabdab's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Wotquaftalhabdab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always help sick shrews.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Run away from orange seals, for they are unholy.

5. Run away if eight swans approach from the north.