Quafkensas is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, effective snail.

Quafkensas created Mount Everest three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafkensas, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quafkensas, he will be mildly annoyed.

Quafkensas' most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quafkensas' Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about solid mechanics.

5. Always look after injured voles.