Jarnvadpang is a god.

It takes the form of a small, tranquil fly.

Jarnvadpang created the planet Saturn four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnvadpang, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jarnvadpang, it will turn you into a worm.

Jarnvadpang's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jarnvadpang's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never laugh in the presence of sharks.