Sugwegcatdubsit is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, ruthless octopus.

Sugwegcatdubsit created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sugwegcatdubsit, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sugwegcatdubsit, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sugwegcatdubsit's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Sugwegcatdubsit's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white monkeys, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Feed all hungry dogs.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near turtles while wearing blue ear rings and balancing four copper spheres on your chest.

5. Do not covet oxen.